A Writer’s Book of Days (01/02): Write About A Time Someone Said No

The best rejection I received was from my first choice for college – I was wait-listed at Villanova University. At that point, I was applying for scholarships and couldn’t hold on to the hope that I’d get in at a later date. Instead, I semi-reluctantly sent in my acceptance letter for my second choice, Fordham University. I grew much warmer to the school as August came closer, but there was still a nagging “what-if.” I’d really loved Villanova.

A week after I started classes at Fordham, a plane hit the North Tower of the World Trade Center and the world turned upside down in an instant. But unlike many of my new friends, I lived closed to home – something that turned out to be very important to me during that tumultuous first year of college. Many weekends were spent back on Long Island as I dealt with the stress of 9/11, a horrible roommate, and the worst two semesters of my entire educational life. This is something I wouldn’t have been able to do had I been anchored to the Philadelphia area.

I sometimes wonder if I would have stuck it out at Fordham if I didn’t have that escape. I soon found my place there by joining the school newspaper, The Ram, where I started as a news writer and quickly rose to the ranks of editor and eventually editor in chief. The latter position secured me quite a few interviews post-graduation, and I quickly settled into the world of business journalism.

I wonder where I’d be today had it not been for Villanova’s rejection. Would I have lived in New York? Would I be a journalist? Would I have had all the great experiences of the past 10 years? Would I have traveled to as many places? Would I have such a diverse, wonderful group of friends?

I wouldn’t trade what I have today for all the Villanova acceptance letters in the world.

Visited 7 and 4 World Trade Center today for my job. Here are some pics I took – the best ones will be in Bisnow Wednesday and Friday.

After spending yet another maddening evening cleaning up my e-mail, I realized that many of the messages clogging my inbox stemmed from oversize attachments, press releases completely unrelated to my beat, and back-and-forth banter that could have been avoided with one phone call. As a journalist, I find that at least 75 percent of my e-mails are related to public relations.

Below are seven simple steps to streamline our communication, respect my inbox, and make both of our jobs easier. Read the rest of the article I wrote at Ragan.com »

Preface: If you don’t know who Maura Kelly is, she’s a freelance writer who’s had articles appear in the The New York Times, The New York Observer, The Washington Post, New York Press, Glamour, and Salon, among others. She’s also the writer of Marie Claire‘s “A Year of Living Flirtatiously” column. Yesterday, she and the magazine posted a story for that column called “Should ‘Fatties’ Get a Room? (Even on TV?),” in response to the CBS show “Mike and Molly.” The article has certainly sparked a firestorm around the Internet, including Marie Claire trending on Twitter and critical responses on sites like The Frisky, Advertising Age, Jezebel, and BlogHer. I’ll let you read the column (and its subsequent comments) and decide your reaction. But I wanted to post mine, in an open letter form.

Dear Maura,

I must say, I was disheartened to read your latest column, titled “Should ‘Fatties’ Get a Room? (Even on TV?).” I think the masses have spoken to how many women are feeling right now, so my two cents on the article’s subject matter won’t add much. But as a writer, I do feel some pity for you. As one commenter on MarieClaire.com pointed out, you must be living the worst day of your working life right now. I’d like to share a story with you. This landed in my inbox ages ago, but has stuck with me tremendously:

There once was a little girl who had a bad temper. Her mother gave her a bag of nails and told her that every time she lost her temper, she must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the girl had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as she learned to control her anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. She discovered it was easier to hold her temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the girl didn’t lose her temper at all.  She told her mother about it and the mother suggested that the girl now pull out one nail for each day that she was able to hold her temper.

The day passed and the young girl was finally able to tell her mother that all the nails were gone. The mother took her daughter by the hand and led her to the fence.

She said, “You have done well, my daughter, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.” You can put a knife in a person and draw it out. It won’ t matter how many times you say “I’m sorry,”  the wound is still there.

A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.

Today, you left many a hole. Because this is the Internet, your nails will be forever driven into the virtual fence. No matter how many times you say you’re sorry, the holes will remain. I’m sure you’re feeling a few of those holes yourself.

The Internet makes it very easy to share your opinions and emotions. But those opinions and emotions, while sometimes fleeting offline, are often permanent after being posted online. Web pages are cached, quotes (and misquotes) live on in blogs, and tweets are housed in the Library of Congress. I do hope that your insensitive remarks don’t come back to haunt your future job prospects or relationships, because they will be Google-able for years.

If anything positive came out of your article, it’s the example of the pen being mightier than the sword. May this be a lesson to you, and to all writers, to think a little closer before hitting the “Submit” button. Perhaps it will persuade writers to think, “How will my words affect myself and others, both bad and good?”

I know it’s certainly persuaded me.

Sincerely,
Amanda

I suppose that’s what it would look like if Allan Sherman’s “Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter From Camp)” was instead tweeted from camp.

Yesterday, I was at camp, minus the s’mores – Social Media Camp Long Island, that is.  The first-ever event was held at St. Joseph’s College in Patchogue, and included a day full of social media-related sessions, a panel discussion, and networking. It was perhaps the only place that someone wasn’t insulted if you were tweeting or posting on Facebook while talking to him!

The three blocks of sessions were attendee-influenced and led by local experts from all realms of social media. Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, journalism, podcasting, privacy – so many topics were discussed at once, and it was difficult to choose which breakout session to attend. I settled for three on business and Twitter, event planning, and local news. What I enjoyed most about it is that no one spoke at you – even though someone was leading a session, everyone shared ideas and learned from each other. Here are some takeaways:

To Tweet or Not To Tweet… That is the Question! (Is Twitter a Useful Business Tool or a Devious Distraction?)

The session was led by Aleweb Social Marketing‘s Tara Alemany (@eandtsmom), and focused on ways to use Twitter to promote your business. Besides personal tweeting, I’m also setting up an account for Angel Bridals and tweeting for Journey to the Cure (@journey2thecure). Part of it was Twitter 101, but I learned:

• Do not use an auto-follower. It’s all about building personal relationships, and you don’t want a computer to do that for you.
• The best time to post is at 4:01 pm. That’s when the majority of Twitter users are online and reading.
• Monitor your name constantly, like Domino’s after one of its pizzas was not delivered hot to @interactiveAmy. Domino’s' immediate video apology.
• Use the minus sign (-) to streamline search results. For instance, if you’re searching for Long Island, but only get posts of the iced tea variety, search “Long Island -tea”
• Save searches you use often. And search for misspellings of yours or your business’ name.
• Two useful websites: Hashtag.org and Tagal.us

Create a Successful Event – Case Study: Long Island Restaurant Week

The session was led by WordHampton Public Relations‘ Lindsey Jaffe (@LindseyJaffe), and focused on how to use social media to create a successful event. Lindsey discussed how it worked for promoting Long Island Restaurant Week, and attendees shared what they’ve learned along the way. Some talking points:

• Don’t just focus on one element when sending out invitations. Some people prefer to receive e-mails, others Facebook.
• Use Excel spreadsheets to keep track of attendees across different invitation media so there aren’t double or triple RSVPs (a mistake I once made after inviting people via Evite, Facebook, and MySpace, and subsequently ordering too much food).
• If you’re looking for a single invitation mode, try Facebook, as you can send the link to people. They’ll get the vital information without having to sign up for Facebook, and can either call or e-mail you to RSVP.
• E-blasts are still great for getting the word out.
• Try Facebook ads – you can hit targeted demographics for your event. However, don’t use keywords (they will pare down the number of people the ad reaches) and keep it simple – the more basic, the better. And make sure the accompanying image is not too busy – go for impact. Recognizable logos are great.
• Use a service like SurveyMonkey after the event.
• Media sponsors provide a great return. But if you want to partner with someone, don’t ask, “What can you do for me?” Instead, ask, “How can I partner with you?”
• Monitor your event afterwards. Lindsey always tries to reach out to those who had a bad experience with Restaurant Week and amend the situation with the restaurant.

The Social Media Revolution: How Social Networking Sites Can Make or Break Your Career

The self-explanatory panel included Communication Journey‘s Louise DiCarlo (@LovelyLu), WordHampton Public Relation’s Steve Haweeli (@SteveHaweeli), Long Island Patch‘s David Reich-Hale (@drhli), and St. Joseph’s College’s Thomas Whitby (@TomWhitby). Some points discussed:

• There’s no longer a separation between social and traditional media
• Patch.com is seeing traffic pouring in from social media sites
• In order for professors to stay relevant, they have to keep with technology. Students are digital citizens.
• Using social media, potential employers can find out information about you that they’re not legally allowed to ask you in an interview
• Google yourself at least once weekly
• Technology is shifting towards the smartphone
• You have to stay on top of social media if you want communication to keep going.
• Brian Solis and Chris Brogan are highly recommended social media sources
• The ideal personal tweet to sale tweet ratio on Twitter should be 10 to 1

As Local As Local News Gets

Back for round two with David Reich-Hale, who was joined by former Long Island Business News colleague Carl Corry (@CarlCorry), who’s now with Newsday. (I’d met Carl a few weeks ago at the first-ever Newsday Tweet-Up, which he put together.) The duo honed in on using social media to take news to a more local (and in Patch.com’s case, hyperlocal) level. Both publications are very active on Twitter (@LongIslandPatch and @Newsday). Patch.com requires its local reporters to be posting something at least every four hours on Twitter and Facebook; Newsday, on top of linking to stories, uses it to tweet other items of interest to Long Islanders that may not necessarily make it to publication. Newsday‘s seeking to become even more localized, and is incorporating more reader-generated media, such as photos and videos (case in point: yesterday’s Twitter request for storm photos). Long Island has a dearth of community newspapers, which is why the region was one of Patch.com’s first targets – we’re not like David’s former stomping grounds of New Haven, Conn., which had five or six alone in the surrounding community.

You can find out more about the event by checking out the other sessions and following #SMCampLI on Twitter. The day ended with lots of door prizes, the top being a highly sought-after iPad. I didn’t win the iPad (I guess winning one Apple product in the past year was enough), but I did win a pair of fabulous garnet and labradorite earrings from jewelry artisan @SueanneShirzay (you can check out the Alejandro earrings and the rest of her jewelry at Etsy).

Alejandro Earrings by Sueanne Shirzay

Afterwards, most of the attendees met at Public House 49 in Patchogue for a post-event happy hour. While walking down Main Street, I encountered a man sitting on a planter. He was holding a brand-new package of three washcloths. He took out the top one, and asked me what color it was. I replied, “Teal,” assuming his spectrum was limited to Crayola’s 16-color box of crayons and he didn’t know the fancy name for the bright cloth in front of me. He said, “I’m colorblind – just making sure it wasn’t pink.” Gotcha. I pointed out that one of the other washcloths was pink. He quickly pulled it out of the package and said, “Here! You take it!” He seemed offended by it – guess he was too manly.

I now own a fuzzy pink washcloth.

Well, perhaps not the Rolling Stone, but Newsday‘s good enough for me. I was interviewed for the cover story “Their New Lifeline,” which talks about Long Islanders with illnesses and how they’ve used the Internet to share their experiences. The story came out great, and there’s even a full-page photo of me on page A4. If you’re a Newsday subscriber, you can read the story here (with a sidebar on social media). I put a request in for a reprint, so hopefully I’ll have something to share with those who aren’t subscribed.

I was also taped along with a few others for a short video clip:

Exciting!

Got the ride the pace car three laps around the NASCAR track in Charlotte yesterday at around 100 m.p.h. (after signing a relase form, of course). At some points, it just felt like driving on the Garden State Parkway. Quite fun!

Last night I went to a dinner with the CEO of an international hotel company at his New York hotel. I assumed it was going to be a press dinner to introduce his new hotel in China. The PR reps were so happy I showed up early that I got a sneak preview of the hotel. Then they tell me about dinner – it was called “Taste of New York,” a progressive dinner. I chatted up the CEO for a bit about the hotel, then they brought me into a meeting room, where the appetizers were set up.

OK, meals have appetizers. But these were amazing. There was a Peking Duck in the middle of the room, posed and looking at us, with individual plates of duck around him, and the freshest sushi I have ever eaten in my life. It melted in my mouth. Dim sum completed the spread, while a famous NYC bartender mixed his signature martini. The PR rep was quick to get me a glass of Chardonnay. I met a few other people from Dow Jones, Reuters, and an investment magazine, but the 15 or so people that were in attendence mostly belonged to the hotel group.

A British man came in and tapped his glass, inviting us into the next room. “You have just experienced a taste of Chinatown,” he said. “You will now experience a taste of Little Italy.” We were all seated around this lavishly decorated table with seashells, beach glass, and sea anemones. He opened another door, where we see a chef in a big white hat preparing the next course, ravioli, right in front of us, flames shooting from under the pan. He then presented each of us with one large ravoli filled with different cheeses and an egg/mushroom sauce. From what I heard, this ravioli goes for $50 a plate at his restaurant. To complement the ravioli, we were given a glass of expensive Chardonnay.

After we were finished with that, it was time for a taste of the Fulton Street Fish Market. Waiters came out with these plates stacked high with lobster tails, crabs, and raw oysters, with four different dipping sauces. We were given a glass of Moet champagne to complement the fish.

The man tapped his glass after we were done, and we were called into the next room for a taste of the Meatpacking District. Filet mingon, deep-fried mashed potatoes, asparagus, and marrow graced the plate, with a glass of Cabernet Sauvingon to round out the meal. The only experience I’ve had with bone marrow was getting it extracted from my hip before I started chemo, so I assumed the bone on the plate was a decoration. But I saw people eating the marrow with a tiny spoon, and tried some myself. It didn’t taste bad at all.

Following the meat came the salad, which wasn’t a lettuce-tomato-carrot concoction – it was all herbs, wrapped in a rice shell with dressing. After we finished that, it was time to top off the meal with the chef’s interpretation of The Big Apple. We moved into another room, where a tuxedoed man was playing the piano. Awaiting us were apple-shaped caramel cages filled with white chocolate mousse, whipped cream, and fresh raspberries, and chocolate truffles, dessert wines, and cold glasses of scotch surrounded us.

All the while, my chair was pulled out for me, I was escorted everywhere, hotel staffers kept giving me drinks. Wow, fancy stuff.

Most of the time was spent talking about traveling – I actually didn’t get much information about the hotel itself, but did make key industry contacts. I was having so much fun that I didn’t realize I had missed my 8:30 train. The next one was at 9:30, and I only realized it at 9:15. As I left, they handed me two gifts – a Smythson “Places To Remember” book and a Bedford Downing picture frame. As I ran outside, a bellboy hailed me a cab, and I made it on my train with 15 seconds to spare and an asthma attack.

Oh, I so love having the international beat for the magazine. I can get used to these fancy lunches and dinners and Scottish accents. The person who had the international beat before me got to go to Munich to be a panel moderator at a real estate conference, so perhaps that is in my future. I do get to travel to Miami and Washington, D.C. in September.

Who’dve thunk? I never thought I’d be writing about real estate, of all things. But it’s actually quite interesting.

I called the news channel this morning and they rescheduled my interview for Monday. So, I’ll go in for a few hours, get a taste of my first real interview, then perhaps meet Steve after work. They didn’t seem too nosy about the “emergency surgical procedure” that prevented me from going to the interview today, so that’s good. Perhaps it’s because they know they might have a chance at stealing my soul. But I doubt it’s going to happen.

Took my bandage off today. I have a two-inch long incision on my neck. Nothing too bad – if it scars, I can just cover it up with one of my many necklaces. It just looks like someone tried to slit my throat. I also found three EKG stickers left on my body that the surgeon apparently forgot to take off – and this does not include the one Mom peeled off of the back of my neck last night. I was so happy to take a shower. I couldn’t last night because of the bandage, and I was yellowed from the iodine. It looked like I had jaundice.

Yesterday, I was waiting for my bus at Port Authority Bus Terminal, when I noticed the girl sitting in back of me in the waiting area was reading The Ram. Not only was she reading The Ram, but she happened to be reading the Features section. Not only was she reading the Features section, but she was reading my column. So I stared (I really didn’t mean to) at her, to read any expressions on her face as she read. Conclusion: she was devoid of all emotion while reading. But then again, she was deviod of all emotion while reading the entire paper. It’s neat to see people reading The Ram outside the Fordham setting – it’s also happened on the Long Island Railroad. Little did she know I was sitting right behind her, mwhahaha. Mom asked why I didn’t introduce myself – yeah, let’s freak out a Fordham student who probably isn’t used to such randomness.

Also came across the Coliseum bookstore yesterday while walking from Grand Central Terminal to Port Authority. I’ve always seen the store advertised on the 7 and D trains (due to its subway stop being 42nd Street-Bryant Park), but I’m never in that area, because I dislike Times Square. But I forgot how great Bryant Park is, and now I plan to go down there often, because it’s a great place to just chill out and read. I purchased two great books: Latin for All Occasions, and The Cheap Bastard’s Guide to New York City… ah, they’re such great books for dorks like me. I’d highly suggest you purchase them.